If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36

inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim

by, you live in Ontario .

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you

live in Ontario .

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the

year, you live in Ontario .

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his

forehead, you live in Ontario .

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in  Ontario .

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who

dialed a wrong number, you live in Ontario .

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ONTARIAN IF:

1. "Vacation" means going South past London for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a moose more  than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and then back

again.

5. You can drive 110 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging

 blizzard, without flinching.

6. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

7. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with

snow

8. You know there are 2 seasons:  Hockey and construction.

9. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your

blue spruce.

10. Down South to you means Windsor ...

11. Your 1st of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

12. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

13. You find 0 degrees Fahrenheit "a little chilly."

14. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all

your Ontario friends